Wow. It's been forever since I updated here!

With real reason though. My laptop charger was fucked, the cheapest one I found in a store was right at $90. Wug got me one from amazon.com for like $15 after shipping. It took a long time to come in because of the holidays, and I've had it for around a week now. I haven't updated yet because I've gotten hooked on Castle Age and Cafe World on facebook, lol.

Anyway, I didn't get the HhGregg job, but I do have one now!!!! I start on Sunday morning at K-Mart. Part time, minimum wage ($7.25/hr), but that's better than what I've been doing for the past 3+ years. Sunday is orientation, then I have to pass the drug test, then I will have my schedule. I'm super excited. After I've been there for a few weeks, I'll probably end up living at Wug's house, just because he's so much closer to the K-Mart. He lives maybe 5 miles from K-Mart, where my house is like, 35 miles lol. Plus there's a lot less drama around his house. And my income could help them out with stuff. My grandma that's been staying with us, she's going back to her old place today to get her things and take out a TPO on her husband. She's getting her car and her clothes and stuff. Well, she can't really drive anymore because her nerves are so bad and she's on so many different medications, so once I've got a few paychecks, I'm gonna see if she'll sell me her car. It's 12 years old, but it's in damn good shape. It's just a little Saturn station wagon thing, but it's something that would be a good car for now, to learn to drive in. Wug told me if that works out, then he'll teach me how to drive and I'll be doing it well in a few months! I really hope that works out. I'm really excited and optimistic about having money in the near future, haha.

Everyone tell me how you've been!! I'm jacked up on coffee and DayQuil!!! lol

i haven't updated in five days. the reason - i've been applying for every job i possibly can, in between getting yelled at from my mom and dealing with my crazy grandma..she keeps wanting to hug me...i love her, but i just don't like being hugged all the time, and the fact that my mom moved her in is getting a little irritating. we don't have the room in our house and it's just really chaotic right now. my grandma's talking about moving in with my sister, my sister wouldn't mind, she has the room, and it's closer to all my grandma's doctors, so she'll probably end up doing that.

anyway, last week wug brought me home on thursday on his way to work. we left in a hurry and i forgot my phone charger. by thursday night, my phone was dead. i thought i wasn't gonna be able to get it back until monday when he got off work, but last night josh was coming to see him, and i was right on josh's way, so josh picked me up and brought me to wug's house, i'm really happy, lol. so i got my phone charged and when i checked my voice mail, i had a message from a company called ryla. I sent my resume to them thursday night, the message was from friday afternoon. i had an interview there before and they really liked me and said i'd be perfect for the job, but by that point all the positions had been filled. they're hiring again now so i sent my resume and they called me. i'm really excited because i know once i get that interview, i've got the job. i just have to be quick about getting the interview. it pays $10 an hour, and i could live on my own making that. it doesn't sound like much money, and i would struggle a little bit, but i could do it. i'll wait until after i can get my own car to move out though, so i won't have to worry about transportation then. words can't describe how excited i am for this, really, lol

now that i'm chilled from my freakout on here the other day, maybe i should explain a little better what happened...

i've been at wug's house since wednesday. On friday night, while he was at work, my sister called me. She was informing me of all the bullshit going on with my family. Like how strange my mom's been acting, how my mom's talking shit about me behind my back like some fucking fifteen year old kid would. when i've talked to my mom on the phone, it's been "thank you so much for all the stuff you did while i was out of town helping my mom!" and just asking me where i put some things that i unpacked. but when she's talking to my dad, my sister, my grandma, and anyone else it's been "that fucking kid is fucking worthless! why the fuck did she put this here?! why did she take over my fucking bookshelf?! she didn't take care of the dogs at all, all she ever does is play fucking video games and sleep! she's lazy and completely fucking worthless! no one gives a fuck about me i'm just gonna kill myself!!!"

here's what happened:

before she left to go to my grandma's house, she told me to move her things off of the top 2 shelves of her bookshelf and i could put my books, cd's, and dvd's there. that's exactly what i did. i put her stuff right where she told me to put it, exactly how she told me to put, but because i'm using 2 out of 10 shelves on a 9 foot tall bookshelf, i've taken over all her space and i'm lazy and completely fucking worthless. yet if i try to talk to her about this, she just says "i never said anything like that! you don't need to be talking to your sister! she's brainwashing you and trying to turn you against me and she's the reason you're so depressed!"

so someone i only talk to once or twice a month is the reason i'm depressed? the one person in my life while growing up that ever understood and listened to me, the person who got me the help i needed when i started cutting myself when i was 13, the person who saved me from drowning at the lake because my mom took too many pills and fell asleep on the sand when i was four years old - the only family member i know i can count on, who's offered to let me live with her multiple times since she's had her own place, that's the reason i'm depressed? riiight. it has nothing to do with the bitch that's called me a lazy, worthless little bitch and has told me on multiple occasions that my birth was a mistake, and on top of that, every 10 minutes of the day i'm going to hell for something else. my depression has absolutely nothing to do with that, i guess.

my mom has also been saying that me & my dad have no feelings because we can't say anything nice about her. Maybe if she was nicer to us and didn't call us lazy and worthless and say we didn't give a fuck about her, we would have nice things to say. If we didn't have feelings, i wouldn't be making this entry and my dad wouldn't have called my sister crying and saying he thought he was having a second heart attack. If my dad didn't have feelings, my mom would be living under an overpass on I-75. They divorced when I was 13, by the time I was 16, my mom was facing homelessness. My dad let her come back, and his words on why he let her come back - "I might have divorced her, but that doesn't mean i don't care. I don't want her to be homeless and hungry." Does that sound like someone with no feelings?

My sister is really stressed out and really worried, because on top of that, there was police standoff at my grandparent's house after my uncles got in a fight, and my mom moved her mother in our house now because she got in a physical fight with her current husband. And everyone puts all this shit off on my sister like she doesn't have enough to worry about - she has a fucking mortgage, two kids, just got over swine flu, her husband's out of work and about to lose unemployment, she can't find a job because she has to be there to watch the kids if her husband does find a job, and she has to worry about getting food for my grandparents, she has to worry what might happen if my uncles owe the dope man money and the dope man comes and kills everybody in that house, she has to worry about my mom and what could possibly be wrong with her, and it's just fucked up that everyone puts everything off on my sister. she's a really sensitive person and she worries about every little thing. it's just not right.

i've got a job interview tuesday. if i get the job, it's really close to where wug works so there wouldn't be a transportation issue at all, and i could just move in with wug, the money issue is the only reason i haven't moved in yet, so if i was making money and could help with the rent, bills, and groceries, there wouldn't be a problem at all. so if i get this job, i'll have insurance again, i'll be away from my fucking mom, and i probably won't need a fucking anti-depressant anymore.

i'm really optimistic about the job interview, and that's really the best way to be about a job interview. i'm sure i will get it. after the job interview, i'll be going back to my house for a day or two, and while i'm there, my mom's first freakout spell, i'm calling 911 and getting her some fucking help. i'm pretty sure some time in a jail cell or a room at the loony bin will give her some time to think about how she's acting and realize that we do give a fuck, because we got her some help and kept her from committing suicide. and if i get a phone call before i go home saying she's killed herself, the phone call might go something like the beginning of this video (i think it's sad that i can relate all of my family to christopher titus' standup acts...):