This week makes me want to hurt myself. That's something I haven't even thought about in so long that it scares me.

I live with fucking idiots. That's all there is to it. I'm done trying to do anything that even could half way be considered helping them. Really, you're fucking 50 years old, make 50,000 a year, and can't afford your rent or groceries? You're fucking worthless. You depend on someone who makes $300 a month to buy all your groceries, keep gas in a car, buy her prescription (with no insurance), buy her own clothes, own food, own toiletries and everything else - with no assistance of food stamps or anything else because YOUR ass makes too much money - fuck you, really just fuck you. Go to hell, choke on a cock, go OD on your fucking pain pills in a dumpster. I don't give a fuck anymore.

I haven't been on here in a while so let me give you the reason I'm this fucking upset....

Last time I was on here I was living in a 2 bedroom apartment with my mom, dad, grandma, and 3 dogs. My dad was doing the maintenance and it was a really old complex and it was hard on everyone, so he took a job offer at the apartment complex next to that one - 3 bedrooms, free rent (we were paying 75% rent before), so he took it - it was gonna be this big, amazing improvement for everyone - his job would be easier, I'd have a bedroom, and things were just gonna be so perfect and wonderful...a new management took over in December, so we had to sign a lease for $1200 a month rent (while everyone else out here pays $900), or they were gonna fire him - they gave him a big enough raise to afford this rent, but for some reason we can never afford it, just like we haven't had groceries that didn't come from a food bank, family member, or neighbor in MONTHS because all the groceries depends on my check - which isn't shit when I make around $300 a month and I have to buy all of my own stuff and take complete care of myself, and $200 of it goes in the gas tank. Yet my dad can buy tools and tool boxes and car stereos and my grandma can buy expensive makeup and a laptop and lingerie (which doesn't fit and she has no fucking use for)...but I have to be the only adult here. I'm getting fucked bad on this, wouldn't you say?

So we haven't paid rent since January - we get a fucking eviction letter. We go to the courthouse, find out our court hearing is in April. They'll tell us how long we have to get out before they set our stuff out at the dumpster. Again, I get to be the only adult and find us somewhere to live - apparently we can only afford $600 a month for rent. That's fucking comical. Someone makes $4500 a month and can only afford $600 a month rent. Do you realize what a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home for $600 a month is like? FUCKED UP. It's gonna be covered in mold and smell like a wet german shepherd. It's gonna be a "shit hole," it's gonna be in the fucking hood where you aren't sure if your neighbor is gonna shoot you, rape you, try to sell you drugs, or yes on a daily basis. But if that's all you can afford, TAKE IT instead of being HOMELESS. Instead, these fuckers wanna whine and complain that it isn't big enough, its in a bad area, it's this, it's that...they want this for the price of this and it isn't happening. So I get bitched at because I wanna spend my boyfriend's birthday with him - I took 2 vacation days from work for that reason - instead of spending it at home packing with nowhere to fucking go. So I'm expected to pack up everything in the house, probably be the one to call about a u-haul as well, with nowhere to fucking go. Sure, let's pack up everything so we can see it all get thrown into the dumpster - why waste the fucking effort when no one else will look for a place to live?

Just explain to me, please, how it makes any sense to be packing and being 100% ready to move, with nowhere to move to. I don't get it.

Try to control me, tell me what to do, and make me be the only responsible person in this house - FUCK YOU. All of you. You're all 45+ GROW THE FUCK UP INSTEAD OF DEPENDING ON A 24 YEAR OLD KID THAT CAN'T EVEN DRIVE AND ONLY MAKES $300 A MONTH!

All I've gotta say is when they're homeless and back in the shit hole that is my grandmother's house (full of rats, roaches, and crack heads) - I won't fucking be there. I've got somewhere to go. Even if it means sacrificing a lot of my stuff (mostly furniture), I've got a place to go unlike these sorry fucks. I'm done trying to help them, because everything I've ever done trying to help them has done nothing but fuck me over. My credit is destroyed to the point that when I go to buy a car, I won't be able to unless I buy it from a private seller, because, thanks to these assholes, I'm over $1000 in debt to Visa and have been for the past five years. "I'll pay it off" apparently translates to "I'm gonna get hurt at work, quit my job, and depend on the government to come through and approve me for SSI"...dumb fucking worthless bitch. None of my clothes fit, I can't afford to buy new ones because I'm the only one that cares if we have food to eat besides frozen pizza and mcdonalds.

Really, I should be going out of my way to fuck them over the way they've done me, but I'm not. I've learned that vengeance gets you nowhere except a bunch of hurt feelings, but I've got nothing else for these assholes. I'll keep gas in the car because that's the only way I'm getting to & from work - but the rest of my money is MINE. I'll buy food for me, no one else, I'll buy things I need from now on - fuck them. They're fucking 50, they need to grow the fuck up and quit wasting fucking money. All we have to worry about is rent, food, cell phone, and a truck payment. On $5000 a month, we should be able to swing that. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T WE?

Just...fuck this. fuck everything. From here on out they want something done they can fucking do it for themselves instead of being so dependent on someone that makes more than 10x less what they do every month. It's fucking pathetic, they're such sorry pieces of shit that I just wanna see them sleeping on the sidewalk when I'm living comfortably inside a home with people who actually pay their bills and rent and have groceries and would be happy to have me in their home.They wanna talk shit on how "stupid" and "sorry" people are that they don't even know just because it's someone I spend all of my time with instead of being stuck up their asses like some 3 year old kid, they need to take a fucking look in the mirror. I choose to spend my time with him because he actually has his shit together, his house NEVER has any drama, he never wonders where the next meal is gonna come from, or how the rent's gonna get paid - he just fucking does it like a responsible adult should. He's 30. He makes less than half of what we do. His cable is still hooked up - we haven't had cable since November. He never goes to food banks - he just goes in this magical place called a grocery store and buys what he needs instead of spending his money on useless bullshit. His truck needs new speakers too, but food, shelter, and utilities are more important. I'm glad someone on this planet fucking realizes that besides me. There's no explaining that to these fuckers, and I'm done trying to. I'm done with everything. I'll be here until they're out on the streets and crawling back to live in my grandmother's dining room, but I won't fucking be there. I'm better than that, I'm better than them, and if only I had more hours I could afford to be out on my own in a studio apartment 2 miles from my job and I wouldn't have to put up with any of their bullshit anymore....

Tomorrow night Wug comes to get me!!!!! Woooo!!! So really tomorrow I don't have to deal with the asshats I live with too much

My mom keeps trying her hardest to piss me off today, it finally worked about 15 minutes after I got in from work. I get so tired of her yelling at me because my dad doesn't rinse off his plate from dinner. Anyway, that's over and done with by about 2 hours now, but she just bugs the hell out of me doing that shit. So tomorrow, I figure I can sleep until 1 pm, go to work at 4, come home at 9, and leave around midnight, and maybe I won't be bitched at anytime in between.

Work was awful tonight. I didn't really get a break at all. We had 2 cashiers for closing, and every time that happens, something stupidly fucked up ends up happening where for most of the night there's only 1 cashier up front. Usually that cashier is me, and I don't mind it too much honestly. Tonight, our cashier who was supposed to leave at 8 was sent to electronics at 7:15, because the guy in electronics had to take care of something in layaway. At 7:55, when he wasn't back yet, I was sent to electronics. He called back there around 8:20 saying he was done in layaway and was going to take his break and be up there in 15 minutes. At 8:30, they call him back to layaway. 9:00 rolls around and I was still in electronics. I was scared I'd end up closing back there, and I have no idea how to close electronics. Anyway, 9:30 comes around and I get called back to my register, while electronics was doing a carry out, I had to wait until he came in, then I was up front for about 20 minutes. So because of that, my break consisted of seeing the girl from sports and asking her to stand there for like 10 minutes because I had been holding my pee for 2 solid hours. She told me to go, so I did, lol. So I came home fucking starving because I hadn't eaten in about 8 hours...it was badddd. Glad to be out of there now, lol.

So my weekend was awesome. Saturday I got off work at 10, and around 11:30, wug and alan came by and kidnapped me for the weekend, lol. We went back by Alan's house, he recently moved to an apartment and I need to tell my dad about this place because they have 4 bedroom apartments and they're gorgeous. Then me & wug went to his house and now that he's got his new bed and his grill and got all his games set up, his house is looking really awesome. Sunday he had a cookout - ribs, chicken, hot dogs, corn, baked beans, and potato salad. It was awesome. We picked on his niece and it was funny because she was tattling on Wug & Alan, with wug being 30 and alan being 35, lol. So Sunday was a lot of fun, Monday we slept until almost 2 pm, lol. Then we got up, ate some food, and came down to my side of town and goofed off in big lots for a while, we were gonna eat at a restaurant down here, but he spent all the money he could spend on big outdoor trash cans, so he just brought me home after that. It was alright though, cuz we had food here. I got home around 6 or 7-ish. I stayed up on ChaCha half the night, trying to get to $100 before midnight so it would be sent to my bank account. At 11:45, I hit $111 and some change and I was excited, still am. Because of that, on Saturday I may be able to pay off my xbox, or at least put $100 on it, I owe $155...so I'm excited about that. I know the money is gonna take like 5-7 days from the 15th to hit my bank, in 4 days I get paid from kmart, so i'll be getting that right around my payday, this is gonna be awesome.

I have to leave for work in about 30 minutes now...ew.